Get Your Blog On!

What Is That Whooshing Sound?

2011-02-06T03:09:00.005-05:00

They say that life speeds up as you get older, right? Well, I must be old as hell because I can't keep up with the time that is passing. It's amazing to think I have lived in New York now for nearly four years! Since I first started blogging (then stopped, then started, then stopped again, then...well, you get the picture), Facebook has taken over, iPhones and iPads have become the craze, and Bieber fever has been caught...and that's just in my household. And now we're already in the second month of the New Year and that football super-something-or-other is happening. Guess it's all an opportunity to embrace that which we have...the present moment. And presently I'm checking the Facebook account on my iPhone to see if Justin Bieber has accepted my friend request...ah, time.

What Does A Guy Have to Do?

2010-11-12T19:04:00.004-05:00

Okay, so it was time to get my nails done. No, no. Nothing fancy. No color or clear polish, but just a mani and pedi to keep sharp and attractive. I always go near my home, which doesn't have a large male-goes-to-get-nails-done population. I always find that the women look at me--since I'm the only guy in the salon--as if I'm intruding on their sacred territory. I get the need that women likely have to bond with each other in a male-free zone, but hello ladies, I'm a gay man. I'm your best friend! But on second thought, maybe they do know that I'm secretly begging them away from their terrifying color choice, knowing that it simply does not make them look any younger or clashes with absolutely everything they're wearing. Or maybe its when I walk in on a waxing room by mistake, thinking it's a bathroom...Okay, I definitely need to return to Chelsea to get my nails done. There are always more men in there than women...because it's Chelsea. Yet still the confused workers always ask, "You have nice girlfriend?" God bless them.

David Sedaris

2010-11-06T10:56:00.003-04:00

On Monday, I had the fortune of attending a reading by David Sedaris. He was at the famous Apollo Theatre in Harlem. This is probably the third or fourth time I've seen him present his material, and this guy cracks me up! Always edgy, never shying away from his viewpoint, his writing is smart, witty, and sharp.

I'm trying to keep David in mind as I work my way through 50,000 words by the end of November for the NaNoWriMo challenge. It has been a really wild process of just writing without limit, without edit, without (sometimes) clear direction...very freeing. It is precisely why I wanted to take on the writing challenge--to get the creative juices flowing once again.

And who knows, maybe at the end of it all I'll be a best-selling novelist who tours the world sharing little snippets of his writing...Okay, work with me folks. This image is what is getting me through the 50,000 words!

I'm Old and Gray Now

2010-11-03T21:27:00.004-04:00

I just looked at my last post and it was in September of 2009. I mean, alot has happened in the span of a year. But, alas, I'm still living in NYC and traveling around. Since I just began the NaNoWriMo challenge (and just saw David Sedaris on Monday), I've recommitted myself to having fun with the written word, so I thought I'd check in. And maybe I'll even catch you up a bit on my great adventures. Hope everyone is doing well!

Ahh, Youth

2009-09-17T19:47:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut since I am heading to Michigan tomorrow for work and a visit with the familia. I was greeted at the salon by a new hairstylist, Nick. Cute as a button and barely past his teens, Nick said that he was available to cut my hair since my regular stylist wasn't available.

As we began talking, I asked Nick how long he had been at the salon. He said that he was there for about a year, but took about 6 months off to travel. I laughed and told him that he was too young to be taking a sabbatical already. He stared at me as he had no idea what a sabbatical was. I explained it to him and then inquired, "So, six months. That's a lot of time. Where did you travel?" I knew a whole slew of fabulous places was likely to follow. Having done some traveling myself, I always find others' adventures and travel stories fascinating. "So where did you go?"

His answer: "New Jersey and Queens."

It Must Be Monday

2009-09-14T22:00:00.007-04:00

Ever have one of those days when everybody passing you on the street is looking at you, and you begin realizing you've still "got it" and start strutting around like you're hot stuff? Then you get home and realize people were actually staring at you because you left your fly open.

Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"

2009-09-08T21:32:00.004-04:00

Today, at the very moment I opened the door to my physical therapist's office, the Weather Girls were on the sound system, and the song was right at the point where they sing "It's raining men..." I have made some grand entrances before, but this couldn't have been timed more perfectly. The whole office team, some clients sitting in the waiting room, and I began laughing. It's good to smile before someone twists you in a pretzel for the sake of making you feel better.

I Had My First White Lady!

2009-09-08T21:04:00.002-04:00

No, it's not some crude and race-based reference to a recent sexual conquest. It's a cocktail made by mixing gin, cointreau, lemon juice, and egg whites, and we made them over the Labor Day weekend! All I can say is "pucker up" because this baby packs a sour punch to the taste buds, but is still quite tasty...and potent! If I knew white ladies were this good, I would have tried them much sooner. (Yes, still talking about the cocktail.)

Have a Great Weekend!

2009-09-03T16:11:00.003-04:00

I love you all, but I've got to get me some beach time while I can. I'm heading to the Jersey Shore tonight and will be back on Tuesday. Hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!

Billy Elliot or Midlife Crisis?...You Decide

2009-09-02T09:36:00.009-04:00

I have always secretly wanted to study dance. I ventured to take some dance classes during high school in the small, rural farming community where I grew up, but I felt I had to do so under the cover of night and while wearing huge sunglasses and a wig (okay, so maybe I actually enjoyed this part). The secrecy and the cost of taking private lessons finally caused me to end my dancing career before it ever began. (Insert moans of compassion here)

I tried again in college, where I perceived minds to be a bit more accepting, but ended up in a jazz class that was taught by a professional tuba player. That's right, you heard me. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. The regular jazz teacher was out on disability, so they hired a substitute who "liked to dance" but was more focused on her tuba career. In all fairness, she did have a background in dance. There I was, one of only two guys in the class (the other guy insisted on wearing a full-body unitard through the whole course even though the teacher kept insisting this was not really appropriate jazz attire). The class wasn't that fun and not taught very well. I again decided I wasn't going to go any further.

Well, fast forward about 20+ years and countless seasons of Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance and here I am, starting my fourth month of study at the Joffrey Ballet School here in NYC. That's right, I threw caution to the wind, grabbed my dance belt and headed off to dance class once again. It's been quite exhilarating and has revived the old feelings of how much I love dance. I'm still one of only a few men in the class, but I really don't care. I'm just enjoying myself. And there has only been one major mix up where, at the end of my first class, the teacher instructed us to curtsey to the piano player. Being the obedient and over-eager student although feeling a little strange, I assumed the pose. That's when the teacher started yelling, "Not the men! Not the men!" It was a damn good curtsey though, I must admit.

So where's the smash-hit movie and musical about MY life?

Okay, Let's Get Reaquainted

2009-08-31T21:38:00.005-04:00

In case you've noticed, it's been some time since I last blogged. If you haven't noticed, let's just pretend I've been here all along. You'd think this time away would have afforded me the opportunity to contemplate life, take up scrap booking, or form a new love commune. However, I would be amiss if I led you to believe I used this time for something noble. No, I simply replaced a blogging addiction with other social networking addictions. (The first step is admitting you have a problem, you know.)

It's not what I intended when taking a break from blogging, but the day I decided to take some time off was almost exactly the day I received a seemingly innocent and kind invitation to join something called Facebook. Who knew this one email would thwart my contemplation, scrap booking, and love-commune plans!

So here I am, a recovering social networking addict, looking to get back to a bit more writing. I do believe that I would go completely insane if I had to keep limiting my communication to 140 characters (Damn Twitter!) or continue to get poked by my "friends" (Damn Facebook!). Granted, I've reconnected with some great friends from the past and love having a place where I can easily post photos and quippy little updates. And I'm not complaining that I see Ricky Martin's tweets on a daily basis (was that too much information?). But it's time to come home, as they say.

I'm looking forward to being back. I can't promise I'm going to blog every day or participate in all of the memes, but I am going to try to write a little more often and will occasionally stop by to comment. I have been reading many of your blogs on Google Reader, but they haven't made it easy to comment yet through that. Now please excuse me, there are some people at my door who I have to interview for that new love commune. Peace, love, and blog on!

Where Did We Leave Off?

2009-06-01T20:44:00.013-04:00

Okay, I can finally reveal the real reason I needed a break from the blogging world: My career as a supermodel really skyrocketed after it was revealed that I was the new Brazilian boyfriend of Madonna. I know. I know. Maddie (she likes it when I call her that) is a bit older than I am, but love is love, right? Now that the craziness and media spotlight has calmed a bit, I thought I would try to ease my way back into the blogosphere. I may be called for a photo shoot frequently, so I may not be back to blogging daily, or even weekly, but I will sit down at the computer when I have some free time...You know, I can't help it that I'm so hot!

Something's Coming

2009-04-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Are you ready?

On Hiatus

2008-10-16T10:59:00.003-04:00

After much stopping and starting over the past few months, I have decided to take a break from blogging. I am trying to focus my energies on some other projects and goals right now, so I think it is best to step away for some time.

I continue to read all of your blogs through my Google Reader so, even though I may not always comment (Google Reader needs to create a way to leave comments through their service instead of having to click through to the blog itself), I am keeping up-to-date with your blogs and will continue to do so. I am only pausing from contributing to my own at this time.

Keep up the great posting! Love ya!

Ah, the Price of Health

2008-10-07T10:17:00.002-04:00

I just discovered the amazingly nasty effects of burping after having taken fish-oil pills. Yeah, it's pretty much as you might imagine. Not recommended before romantic dates...I'm just saying.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Manic Monday: Nuts

2008-09-29T00:00:00.002-04:00

Our 9-year-old nephew shared the following video with us recently. Isn't it just nuts what amuses a 9-year-old boy? (Okay, and maybe his much older uncles as well.)

The Newly Minted United States Dollar

2008-09-26T12:01:00.001-04:00

In Case You Haven't Seen This Yet: Political

2008-09-25T20:49:00.002-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-24T00:00:00.001-04:00

Je Suis in Deep Doodoo

2008-09-23T00:00:00.002-04:00

Like all good boys and girls, I am headed back to school. I have my backpack, my new notebook, and loads of pens and pencils. What I don't have, however, is the hours of practice behind me that I was supposed to be racking up during break.

That's right. It's French class, level 104 and I'm realizing that I let three whole weeks go by without one minute of practice. Simply put...I'm screwed. I have the same teacher that I did for 103 and she's tough. She's not going to show any mercy to my rusty little mind.

It'll be good to be back in class. It does keep me frightened just enough to study nearly every evening throughout the week. I suppose that's why I was secretly enjoying so much time off.

I'm hoping, at this point, that the time away actually will make my mind sharper and everything will come flooding back. But the fact that I couldn't remember how to say "autumn" (automne) the other day has got me a little worried! Merde!

Manic Monday: Formula

2008-09-22T00:00:00.001-04:00

This weekend, as I was sipping my Jamba Juice, getting all of my pomegranate antioxidants and other all-natural fruit benefits, I had a case of sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia. Don't worry, my most precious parts weren't in danger of falling off. As I learned this weekend, this is simply the technical term for what us common folk refer to as good ole' "brain freeze."

Relying on an old formula for relief, I instantly placed my tongue on the roof of my mouth, holding it there to create warmth. This always seems to work for me and has some scientific validity since it is the cooling of the palate that causes the excruciating pain associated with this condition.

Now excuse me as I double-check to make sure that I understood this term correctly and that my most precious parts really haven't fallen off.

Where Do All the Neurotics Live?

2008-09-19T00:00:00.002-04:00

This is a psychogeography map. By way of survey, psychologists are able to map the five different dimensions of human personality and show that personality types seem to cluster geographically. I found this to be really interesting.

The above map shows the neurotic types and where they live. Can you believe that? Are they saying that I am neurotic? Do they really know what they are talking about? I mean, I've spent hours in therapy to get over my issues, how dare they label me.

On second thought, maybe I am neurotic. But what if I am neurotic? What does this mean for my future? How can I avoid from acting out? Or what if I am doomed to a lifetime of worrying and acting impulsively and...Why me, God. Why does this always happen to me? Where are my meds?!

Okay, I'm calming down...If you're curious about your geographic area, take a look at the other maps. And see if you find it as curious as I do that large parts of the country seem not to have any personality at all. Hmmm. Check them out and see what they might say about you and those you live around! Just have your therapist's number nearby in case.

A Night of Fabulousness

2008-09-18T00:00:00.001-04:00

On Tuesday evening, me and my partner went to the Celine Dion concert at Madison Square Garden. It was a great evening filled with Ms. Dion in all her glory. And all I have to say is, Dang that girl can sing!!

Now we're not the start-crying-and-shaking-and-wetting-ourselves kind of fans, although we saw plenty of their kind at the concert. We just really like her voice and many of the songs she has recorded. We even have her French albums.

I will say that she looks amazing! And her outfits (she had many changes, of course) were stunning. I can only imagine the staff she has working for her (or rather on her) backstage. That might be interesting career choice. Oh, what am I saying. I was really born to be on the stage, not behind it. Let's just be honest.

So a great time was had by all: the weeping women, the gaggles of gay men, the diva watchers, and so on. The only people who might not have enjoyed as much were the straight men who were dragged there by their girlfriends. But I'm thinking even they made out okay in the end (all puns intended). Celine can work magic, you know.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

It's a Relaunch Party!!

2008-09-16T11:52:00.004-04:00

After some time away (The people at the "hotel" where I stayed were really nice. I just can't figure out why they kept giving me free "candy" and were all wearing white lab coats. Hmm.), I have decided to make my grand return to the world of blogging! Yes, you heard me. I'm back. So crack the champagne, give the kids a free night off of homework, and gather 'round.

I don't even know where to start in order to catch you up on the past few months of my life. How about this: studying French, conscious eating ("colon cleansing" as Janna likes to refer to it), book writing, working, going to the beach, refinancing, exercising, reading, reading, reading, exploring the city, reconnecting, watching movies, and just plain enjoying. Phew. Okay, you're all caught up. Now it's like we've never been apart, right?

I realized I had been gone too long when I came back to blogger and the whole format of the dashboard had changed and there was something new called "followers" (is the polite term for stalkers?). I also realized it when my faithful readers started sending me those thoughtful "You haven't died, have you?" messages.

So hang onto your hats because it promises to be a whole new season of adventures! (Wow, I'm like a returning television series...how fabulous!)

I've Just Returned from the Olympics

2008-08-25T21:09:00.007-04:00

If you've been wondering why I have been gone for a while, it is because I was over in Beijing for the Olympics. No, not as an elite athlete. I was trying to break into the lockers of the synchronized-swimming teams to get my hands on those fabulous outfits and head dresses.

I've already got the overly-done bright blue eye shadow...I just need one of those outfits (including the nose plugs. They add a certain panache, don't you think?).

While there I picked up some helpful phrases in Chinese. I thought I would share them with you in case you have now got the urge to travel to China. In order to fully understand them, you have to read them out loud.

That's not right...Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP...Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...Dum Fuk

Small Horse...Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone...No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great...Fu Kin Su Pa

Well, I didn't get my new swimming outfit, but aren't you glad I didn't leave empty handed. Feel free to use any of the above phrases on your next visit to China.

Thanks for your patience while I was taking my blogging break. I should be back on track after Labor Day. In the meantime, I'll be at the beach...albeit in my old dowdy bathing suit. Sigh.

Happiness is...

2008-07-29T18:00:00.005-04:00

...seeing a mother mouse scamper along the subway tracks, showing its offspring the ins and outs of finding food in the New York City underground system. Kinda' warms your heart, doesn't it?

See My Stunning Results!

2008-07-28T11:55:00.010-04:00

Before the cleanse...

After the cleanse...

See how relaxed and stress free I am after the 21 days? Now, all I do is recline in hammocks all day because I feel so great.

Cleanse Update: Mission Accomplished!

2008-07-28T11:21:00.004-04:00

That's right. I have officially reached the end of my food cleanse! After 21 days of no sugar, caffeine, alcohol, gluten or animals products of any kind, I have made it. Yahoo!

It has been a great experience, and I think it has definitely made me more conscious of what I eat on a daily basis. I also feel really great. Not just physically, but also mentally. It just feels good knowing you are nourishing your body with plentiful amounts of fruits and vegetables. I definitely will keep more veggies and fruits in my diet and I will probably eat much less meat than before.

I intend on doing this at least once a year. It is a good "reset" time and really brings the body back into a healthy balance. Now excuse me as I go celebrate with champagne, chocolate covered wheat bread and a side of ham...with an espresso chaser of course.

Cleanse Update: Day 15

2008-07-21T21:25:00.000-04:00

Well, it is day 15 of the food cleanse and all is well. The past weekend was a bit difficult because we were at the beach and...well, you know beach food--hot dogs, chips, hamburgers, Italian ices, fries, ice cream, etc. We managed to escape however, staying firm to our resovlve (and our lentils and chickpeas).

It's been interesting to see people's reactions as we explain what we're doing. Most are intrigued and want to learn more, but many are also deeply perplexed. I was describing the cleanse to a work colleague the other day and she looked at me and said, "Oh, you're one of those New Agers, aren't you?"

I know many people associate veganism or vegetarianism with people who are a bit "out there," so the confusion doesn't entirely escape me, but when I explain it is a temporary way of eating for health purposes, they still look at me like I've completely lost it. It makes me realize how deeply attached we all are to our habitual ways of eating, and when someone challenges those habits by making different or healthier choices, we get very uncomfortable.

Well, don't you worry if you are one of those who are uncomfortable. The day we end our cleanse we have plans to attend a wine tasting class. I can't even imagine how toxified we're going to be then...and likely loving every minute of it.

Everything's Going to Be Alright

2008-07-18T09:01:00.000-04:00

You know it's going to be a good day when, as you're waiting for your pick up at the train station, a man rides by on his beach cruiser singing showtunes at the top of his lungs. Fabulous!

Food Cleanse Update

2008-07-15T09:02:00.000-04:00

Well, it's day 9 of the food cleanse and I'm telling you it's incredible! I think my body has really gotten into the groove of this way of eating. And the strange thing is that I don't even crave the foods that I have cut out. I feel really good about what I'm eating and I am becoming conscious of how my body responds to healthy, nutritious meals that don't include sugar, gluten, or animal products of any kind.

On Saturday we both had to go off of the cleanse a bit because we were at a hosted party. We did eat lots of fresh veggies and stayed away from alcohol, but we had some chicken and cake (it was a belated birthday party for myself). That night we also veered a bit since we had planned to go to a restaurant with friends which, unfortunately, didn't have any real good alternatives that aligned with the food cleanse. But we didn't do too bad...white fish and a bit of dessert.

I'm telling you, this has really made us both think that we may incorporate more of this way of eating into our regular eating habits once the cleanse has finished. We can both feel the effects it is having on our bodies. And we haven't had a bland meal yet.

Watch out. It won't be long before I'm wearing peasant dresses, insisting on being called "Cheyenne" and driving a VW bus while my partner croons Bob Dylan songs. And come to think of it, I don't recall the cleanse ever mentioning that we couldn't smoke grass. I mean, it's natural, right?

Flat Stanley: Rest in Peace

2008-07-14T12:20:00.000-04:00

Do you know the cute little story and project called Flat Stanley? Children read the book and then create a Flat Stanley and send him all over the country to friends and relatives who take pictures of him in their city.

Well, Flat Stanley arrived from my little nephew recently. We've been photographing him on the subways, in front of the Statue of Liberty, taking a train ride, and enjoying an outdoor lunch (as pictured). It's been fun. It's so exciting for the children to receive him back with a description and photos of the cities he has visited, and me and my partner have been willing participants in such a great little adventure.

That was until last evening when we got home. I went to retrieve Mr. Stanley from the camera carrying case he was protected in when, to my utter shock, he was gone! Yup, that's right. Gone. Nowhere to be found. I checked the carrying case again and again, but to no avail. Can you believe it?

I am just beside myself with disappointed and frustration. Now I have to be that uncle who makes the call, "You know that cute project that your child's whole summer is built around? Well, I've completely ruined it. I couldn't handle the simple responsibility of carrying around a paper doll for two days and then putting him back in the mail."

Ugh. I just feel horrible. I've made calls to the one place I actually opened the camera case, but they say they don't see anything in the store. I'm going to try one last time later this afternoon before informing my sister-in-law that Flat Stanley is on the loose.

There goes the "uncle of the year" award. Sigh.

Say What?

2008-07-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

Today I found myself right smack in the middle of a comedy routine. Either that or I was on some hidden camera show. As I was eating lunch, there was an elderly couple sitting at the table right next to mine. They seemed lovely enough and were quite gentle with each other--the man holding the chair for his wife, the wife dabbing up some food that the husband spilled on the table. It was all quite charming.

But when they talked, I could swear I was in some sort of twisted Abbott and Costello routine. The following is a sample of their conversation:

Wife: "So what did Ethel say she was going to bring for the party?"

Husband: "Yes, I completely agree...How do you like the food?"

Wife: "I think she's lovely. She seemed a little quiet today, though, didn't she?"

Husband: "Oh, the car's fine. Don't worry about that. We just took it in, remember?"

Wife: "No, I fed him this morning."

It was actually quite beautiful, if not at the same time a little sad. Their conversation continued the whole meal. I don't think they had the faintest clue as to what each other were saying the whole time, but they so wanted to connect with each other that they just kept on speaking as if all were right with the world.

Of course, what I'm portraying as a romantic, love-story setting between two life-long partners could actually be the scene of two mentally deranged escapees who forgot to take their medicine or two spies talking in a secret code, plotting to take over the world (or least New Jersesy).....Naw, I think for today I'm going to stick with the love story.

21-Day Cleanse Update

2008-07-09T03:00:00.000-04:00

So it's day two of the cleanse and I have one word that sums up the experience thus far...gas. That's right, my body is adjusting to the influx of precious fruits and vegetables in quantities formerly unknown. It's a common occurrence that I'm told will subside in a day or two...please God.

And here's an update, my partner threw caution to the wind and decided to join me on this adventure. Now that's love! I had to laugh when I asked him today how he was feeling. Since I'm feeling more energized already and can tell my body is responding rather favorably (okay, minus the temporary gas thing), I had to laugh when he said, "I feel like crap!" It seems his system is protesting the detox a bit. But he marches forward. What a great trooper!

Okay, it's time to check on the lentil pilaf, the spinach saag (Indian) and the string beans sauteed with red peppers and garlic sauce. Dessert will include some fresh, organic raspberries, blueberries or pineapple. Or maybe I'll get really wild and combine all three. Now that doesn't sound that bad, does it? Shall I set place for you?

'Splain This One, Lucy

2008-07-08T03:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, what is going on here? Yet again today I passed a homeless person sitting on the ground, tattered and torn, begging for money, scribbled sign at side...and talking on their cell phone. Am I missing something here?

Oprah Says I Have To

2008-07-07T03:00:00.000-04:00

While watching and episode of "Oprah" the other day, I saw Kathy Freston talking about conscious eating. I have long considered myself to be a conscious eater, taking care of what I put into my body, but seeing this show really re-sparked my intent to be mindful of my food choices.

As part of the discussion, Kathy encouraged people to do a 21-day cleanse to reset their body's chemistry and help it rid itself of built up toxins. So...I have decided to do it and to blog about it. That's right. You are going to be privy to all my bodily functions for the next 21 days. Aren't you glad?

The cleanse involves eliminating the following things from your diet: sugar, alcohol, caffeine, gluten, and animal products. So, starting tomorrow, I will be trying my best to follow this plan. Kathy tells people to "lean into" the cleanse and do the best you can without being harsh with yourself if you falter. I like that approach.

I'm pretty sure my partner thinks I have lost it once again (I went vegetarian for nearly a year a few years back), but he's trying to be supportive. I invited him to join me since it's only 21 days, but I get the strong sense he's not that interested. That's okay. It's certainly not something to be undertaken without really wanting to.

So, get ready. I'll be keeping you up to date about how it's going and what effects I notice. Now excuse me while I load up on last minute sugar, alcohol, caffeine, gluten and animal products...it's going to be one wild day!

Mid-life Crises Averted...I'm Back

2008-07-06T19:16:00.001-04:00

After some time away, I have decided--like all great divas--to make a grand return. That's right, I'm coming back to the blogging world. I slowed down to focus on some other projects, but it's time to blog once again. Too many times have I encountered circumstances where I turn to my partner and say, "This is SO blogworthy" that I just can't hold back any longer.

Take today for instance. We returned from a weekend away and decided to catch "Hancock." We went to a local theatre and found ourselves sighing when, once again, a theatre employee comes in as the previews begin to ask for financial contributions to the Boys and Girls Club. Now I certainly have nothing against boys or girls or the clubs they belong to, but this lady is just downright nuts.

She is a disheveled elderly woman who, for reasons unknown, waits until the previews begin and then starts shouting her pleas for help. She brings along a canister and passes it down every aisle for donations, all the while decrying the state of society and warning of the impending doom of the Boys and Girls Club organization.

Today, as the glares of the audience penetrated her, she actually took two children out of their seats and dragged them down in front of everyone saying, "Now see these children. Don't you care for them? Don't you want them to have a place to play?" All this while previews for end-of-the-world fantasy, action films are flashing across the screen above.

After finally returning them to their seats, she ended her plea with, "There are alot of bad people out there who will take your children. Have a nice evening." And then left with her canister in hand.

Does anyone else find this a bit strange?

And so it begins...

2008-06-24T08:42:00.001-04:00

That's right, today is my 40th birthday. Yahoo! It's been a while since I've posted, but that is because I have been so busy programming the plastic surgeon's number into my speedial. No, I'm just kidding. That number has been in the speedial for years.

So, it's on to the 40s I go! Do you have any advice for me as I enter this new decade of my life? I know, I know. No more miniskirts and way more pearls. But other than that? A gay man needs proper direction, you know. A mid-life crisis must be accesorized appropriately.

Okay, I had better end this now and run. I think the Metamucil is kicking in...

Let's Go, Boys!

2008-06-02T03:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the last time I uttered those words, a gay bar and a gymnastics team were involved...but let's not bring up past history. Now I'm using those words to cheer on my team...the Mets! We just went to our first game of the season and had a blast.

But the excitement started even before the game got underway. As I approached the security line, I made sure I had my iPhone in my pocket, along with my keys and the game tickets. After getting frisked--is it so wrong that I rather enjoy this?--the guard looked at me and said, "You have an iPhone, huh?"

I was absolutely amazed that his hands were that trained to the task. He proceeded to name everything I had in my pocket...just by the quick frisk. I, of course, immediately wondered what else he could tell about me. It may have been my imagination, but I think I detected a wink as he sent me on my way. I'm just saying.

As always seems to happen to me when I go to these games, I am quickly outed as a gay baseball fan. This time it was revealed when a foul ball was hit into the stands...straight at us! Of course the straight men were climbing all over each other with their hands reaching to the sky in the hopes of catching the quick-flying ball. Me and my partner covered our faces, ducked our heads and screamed like school girls.

Nonetheless, we're really looking forward to attending five more games with our friends throughout the summer. It's a great time of chatting, laughing, eating, and occasionally we even watch the game!

Yes, I Did the Unthinkable

2008-05-21T12:07:00.000-04:00

As you know I have been flying around the last few weeks. First Montreal, then Texas. But now I'm home and don't have to travel--besides local trips--for another few weeks.

In the many years that I have been a frequent traveller, I only recount doing "the unthinkable" one other time, but I had to do it on a recent flight and I think I will be traumatized for life. Yes, that's right. I needed to "fully" use the toilet on an airplane [insert gasps of horror here].

After what seemed like a half hour of delicately layering toilet paper on the seat, I had properly created what must have been nearly an inch of paper protection (sorry, environment). Of course then the goal became positioning myself just right so as not to disrupt any of the precarious toilet paper layering. Having not done this often, however, I proceeded to bump half of the toilet paper right into the bowl. Damn. Now I had to start over with the layering process.

After another half hour I finished the protection process and managed to get the engineering just right so as not to disrupt the layering as I sat on the well-protected yet still disturbing throne. All I could think of as I sat there was that taking a crap at 37,000 feet was one of the most unnatural acts possible.

Then, of course, I became slightly panicked as to the possible odors that I was going to leave. But I knew there was no way I was going to give a "courtesy flush" (see previous post) while still seated. I am certain that blue water would leave an embarrassing permanent stain on my derriere that would not be fun explaining for the rest of my life.

As a precaution, I flushed the toilet nearly 10 times after finishing and washed my hands several times to fill the air with soap smell. Of course, all that accomplished was the creation of a whole other aroma I'm sure the next person was not going to appreciate. And, from the time it took to cover the seat twice and ponder what my ancestors-before-plane-travel would think of me "taking care of business" miles above the earth, I knew there was going to be a line of people waiting.

I decided I would leave with my head held high and ignore the stares and pointing fingers. As I made my way back to my seat, I felt gratitude that the whole incident was now in the past. Nobody would ever remember or see me again. In fact, I was sure most had no idea the ordeal I had just experienced. Wait. What was that at my feet? Was that? Yes folks, I actually managed to trail toilet paper through the aisle and right to my seat.

A Little Piece of Europe

2008-05-15T03:00:00.000-04:00

All this week I have been in Montreal. It is one of my favorite cities in North America. It is so European in flavor with incredible architecture, cafes flowing out into the streets, and the beautiful sound of French ringing everywhere.

I've had a chance to use some of the French I have been learning in class, but I think I have only learned that I need quite a few more years of study. I can ask questions and make simple conversation...I just can't understand any of the responses. Oh, details, details. It's still been fun and has reignited my desire to master the language.

Okay, it's home tomorrow afternoon before I turn around and have to fly out West. Hope all is well in America. Bon soir!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-05-14T03:00:00.001-04:00

Tantalizing Tuesday

2008-05-13T03:00:00.000-04:00

Guess That Appetizer

2008-05-12T03:00:00.000-04:00

Can you guess what I had as an appetizer for dinner last Friday? It's been years since I had this delicacy, but it won't be that long before I enjoy this again. I forgot exactly how tasty this dish is. I used to have it occasionally in my youth. It's still available in many restaurants in Michigan due to the number of French who used to inhabit the state. Send your guesses in a comment.

You Said What?

2008-05-08T22:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was in an office-building restroom and noticed that there was someone occupying one of the stalls. Not a problem, I had to go #1.

All was well until another man entered the restroom who stood at the urinal next to the occupied stall and proceeded to say, "Courtesy flush."

What? Really? I have never heard this before. I knew what it meant, but calling it out to another person? The man in the stall didn't respond, either verbally or physically with a flush, so the man at the urinal repeated (louder this time), "Courtesy flush." It was one of those horribly awkward moments, and I felt for the man in the stall and was a bit shocked at the boldness of the man at the urinal.

As I finished my business, I heard the man in the stall say, "Courtesy flush? Why don't you just deal with it." Oh, no. Hurry, wash the hands, wash the hands before a bathroom throw down occurs.

As I opened the door to exit, I heard both men break into laughter. Clearly they knew each other and were just giving each other a hard time (must be straight men's humor). I have to admit that I quickly scanned the area for hidden cameras, wondering if all of my stunned reactions were being caught for some television show.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-05-07T03:00:00.000-04:00

Tantalizing Tuesday

2008-05-06T03:00:00.000-04:00

Manic Monday: Fresh

2008-05-05T03:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a gorgeous day in New York City. It was one of those fresh Spring days that just makes you feel vibrant and alive. The sun was shining brightly, a gentle breeze carried scents of blooming trees and flowers, the parks will filled with people laughing and walking hand in hand, and the gays were wandering around shirtless, catching every opportunity to hon their tans and show their stuff. My partner and I walked to the park by the water and just sat there in amazement, yet again, that we actually live in this incredible city. Ah, what a fresh Spring day can do for the soul...and the tan.

Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore Art Thou...

2008-05-04T19:17:00.000-04:00

Last night my partner and I headed out for dinner at a restaurant near our home. On our way, we passed the always-pleasant homeless man who is frequently sitting at one particular corner. He's always saying something cheerful or funny to the passersby, whether they offer him some change or not.

I remembered that I had some quarters in my coat pocket that had been there for nearly the whole winter, so I decided they might as well go to good use. I offered them to the man. He looked at me and with a big smile said, "Thank you, young man." Young man? I nearly gave him $20 more.

As I was walking away the man called out, "Hey, Romeo, is that your friend?" (referring to my partner). "Yes it is," I replied. "Or is that your Romeo?" "He's my Romeo," I replied this time. "Alright, " he said, "Romeo and Romeo. Excellent! Gay rights are an important issue. Number 1!" As the light changed and we crossed the street, we could hear him continue to sing the praises of gays everywhere.

After chuckling at the exchange, two thoughts came to my mind: Either that homeless man had incredibly fine-tuned gaydar or I just simply can't pass for straight. Do you think the high heels could have been the give away? Hmm.

French Lesson of the Week

2008-05-01T21:27:00.000-04:00

I think I have to start a regular post titled "French Lesson of the Week" because there are some downright hilarious moments nearly every week of class. And our teacher makes sure these are properly pointed out and exaggerated to keep the class lighthearted.

This week one of our assignments was to talk about sports and what part of the body they were beneficial for. Everybody did a good job, except for the poor girl in class who just can't seem to catch a break.

When her turn came she was desperately trying to say that yoga was good for the whole body (le corps). Instead, however, she didn't pronounce the "r" and the word came out sounding like a slang term. Of course our teacher didn't let the moment pass. She proceeded to giggle and say, "So yoga is good for the penis? I'm not sure I knew that."

The whole class sat there sort of stunned and then broke out in simultaneous laughter. At the same time we all secretly made a note of the new slang term.

Now excuse me as I run to my first yoga class...I've got to make sure that girl didn't know something that I should know.

The Oversexed Train Conductor

2008-04-29T20:20:00.000-04:00

I have discovered--and it will come as no surprise--that the East Coast, and especially the New York environs, has many wonderful and blog-worthy characters. The latest was discovered on a train ride back into the city after a day's work in New Jersey.

There I was sitting peacefully, reading my New Yorker and watching the glorious city approach from the far distance when I hear, "So, what do you think of my train?" (insert heavy New Jersey or Long Island accent...I'm still not sure which it was).

I didn't really think too much of it until I next heard, "So, do you take this train often, cause I haven't seen someone as beautiful as you in a long time. Where you heading?" This was followed by high-pitched giggles (from the girl being approached, not the oversexed train conductor). Okay, so I knew the time had come to investigate what was going on.

Sure enough, there he was. A young train conductor with high-fashion sunglasses an a near-opened shirt. I couldn't even count the number of gold chains hanging from his neck, but I'm pretty sure the amount of bling was what caused the need for his sunglasses.

From the look of things, the girl was flattered but not really interested. However, it was also clear that Mr. Train Conductor had no intention of giving up. After more conversation at levels that everyone in the car could hear and which included desperate tries to woo, I think the message was received. He ended the conversation with, "Hope to see you riding the rails soon."

Okay, so no love connection. I went back to reading my magazine. However, the next thing I knew he was leaning on the back of the seat of the young girl sitting across the aisle from me. "So, what do you think of my train?" What? Are you kidding me? The exact same line that everyone heard you just utter minutes before? "So do you take this train often because I haven't seen someone as beautiful as you in a long time. Where you heading?" The meek little voice replied, "Heading into the city." "Oh," he continued "so what do you like to do for fun?" Oh no he just didn't!

Thirty minutes later and the guy had approached every single woman in the car...with the same exact lines. I had a great chuckle and wondered how often this behavior actually landed him exactly what he was looking for. He must have just been playing the odds.

At last he was out of young women in the car. But not to be dismayed, as he opened the door to the next train car I heard the words in the distance, "So, what do you think of my train?"

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

2008-04-18T12:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, so maybe you've already seen these. They have come across my email several times, but they never fail to make me laugh...and scare me by the mere fact that I already do some of them! Enjoy.

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Yeah, Okay, I Suck

2008-04-16T13:41:00.000-04:00

I was shocked when I just looked at my blog and realized that I haven't posted anything since April 4. I have severely fallen short in my blogging responsibilities, haven't I? I have no excuses, so make up your own.

Since I've last blogged the following things have happened:

1. My partner got a new job
2. I danced for my French class using jazz hands
3. I got a new pair of glasses that I won't wear
4. I have begun a daily workout regimen that begins at 7am
5. My "member" has grown another 8 inches
6. I've had a personal breakthrough
7. I've had deep, heart-to-heart conversations with two friends experiencing crises
8. I've developed a deep yet unnatural love for the "New Yorker" magazine

Okay, so number 5 was just to see if you were paying attention. But the rest are true. So now you are all caught up. Let's just pretend the whole non-blogging thing never happened.

Ahhh....

2008-04-04T20:29:00.000-04:00

Ever reach that point where you know that you just need to take a day to rebalance and get back to yourself? Well, that was me today. After a rather sleepless week and mounting work-related frustrations, I felt myself getting pushed off my "center" and falling into overwhelmed mode.

So today I sent the appropriate notices, shut my computer down and deemed the office phone off limits. And what a great day it was! I spent a lovely day going to the gym, visiting my favorite bookstore for a cup of tea and some time with my journal, meditating, and sending good thoughts to some special friends.

It's amazing how taking time to rebalance changes your whole perspective. By the time I left the bookstore, I was able to see the beautiful tree blossoms and smell the fresh, spring air in a new and exciting way. And when a guy nearly ran me over when I was crossing the street, I simply laughed at the way we so easily get caught in the rush...then I flipped him off.

Okay, so maybe tomorrow I'll come closer to getting back on track.

Home Sweet Home

2008-03-29T08:52:00.000-04:00

After a rather productive week in Indiana, I am home once again, back to my beloved island paradise. No longer do I have to put up the strange colloquialisms of the Midwest such as "Good morning!" "How are you doing today?" "So great to see you" "Is everything alright?" "How else can we make your stay in our state more pleasant?" "Please" "Thank you". . .I mean, really. Stop the madness. A person could actually get used to this silliness.

I knew I had landed in New York yesterday when I got smacked in the head with someone trying to rush to put on their coat and get off the plane. All without a "Pardon me" or a "I'm sorry." Then a few minutes later while waiting for luggage I heard signs of an altercation brewing with the leveling of those Latin-accented boundary-setting words: "Oh, no you ditn't" (complete with finger wag and head bob) and shortly thereafter a near tackle of another person in order to retrieve one's luggage.

Don't get me wrong, I actually find New Yorkers to be quite friendly and willing to help others out for the most part. The attitudes and spirit of New Yorkers have really far outweighed my prejudiced notions before moving here. And having grown up in the Midwest I can assure you that not everybody there is sweet, polite and a model citizen. But I still think the country has something to learn from the good, decent people of the Midwest. They just can't be beat.

**Okay, so that was a completely biased post based on my own personal history. To make up for it, next week I'll be blogging about how the people in your home region are the best in the US, and I won't forget to include Hawaii, Guam and Alaska!

All Aboard

2008-03-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am on the road yet again...or rather in the air. This time I'm in lovely Indiana, and I got here by a small regional jet.

I laughed out loud when the pilots announced takeoff. Instead of the usual "Flight attendants, take your seats for takeoff" we heard "Marsha, sit down, we're leaving." You know you're on a small flight when there is only one flight attendant, and you know you're in the Midwest when her name is Marsha.

The flight was great and, in some ways, better than the larger plane flights. Although the small size freaks out some people, I just keep imagining that I'm a celebrity taking my own personal jet somewhere...with 49 other friends...in a very compact space with seats filling up the entire area...and a flight attendant named Marsha.

Classing It Up

2008-03-21T23:01:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure, but I think just entered the land of the suave and sophisticated today. I bought my first fountain pen. I've been wanting a fine writing instrument for some time since I spend quite a bit of time writing and journaling. And today I took the plunge.

Now mind you, I started slowly, but walked away with something I find quite beautiful. There's a picture of it above, but it appears much darker than it is in reality. Anyway, I'll let you know as soon as I completely ink a brand new shirt...it's bound to happen.

All Is Well with the World

2008-03-18T03:05:00.000-04:00

That's right, everybody, breathe a sigh of relief. Our show is back on! I have recently determined that I am completely over reality television (okay, so it took me a while), but I am still hanging on to the sweet goodness that is "Dancing with the Stars."

This show always makes me smile and, even if I disagree with the judges at various points and get irked with how the producers exploit contestants with disabilities to gain viewership, I am always cheering along and having a good time.

If one is going to use television to escape the stresses and strains of everyday life, then look no further. This show seems to have found the mix that makes for great entertainment...a hot Latino (see below) and a veritable plethora of fabulous outfits!

Tantalizing Tuesday

2008-03-18T03:02:00.000-04:00

Manic Monday: Drink

2008-03-17T03:00:00.000-04:00

As many of us, I too have some pretty crazy and humiliating college stories of drinking a bit too much. One particular evening sticks out in my memory.

It was the night we were being inducted as pledges into a fraternity and we were drinking up a storm. At one point in the evening, I walked someone to their taxi and was leaning on the car as they closed the door. As the taxi began to pull away, I felt myself jolted alongside the moving car. It was then that I realized my finger had been closed in the door!

The pain was partially minimized from the padding in the door frame, but I'm pretty sure the alcohol had something to do with it as well. Later that evening I fell asleep early in the community room (a bit away from the festivities). I awoke the next morning with curlers in my hair, lipstick on my lips and fingernail polish on my nails...oh yeah, and a throbbing finger.

Little did my fraternity brothers know that the lipstick and fingernail polish colors they used were absolutely complimentary to my skin tone! There's so much they didn't know about me then. Heck, there's so much I didn't quite know about myself then!

I managed to heal past the events of that evening, but boys and girls please learn from my mistakes. Don't drink and manage to get your finger caught in a car door and pass out in a fraternity full of men strangely having easy access to lipstick and fingernail polish.

Rebuilding Step by Step

2008-03-16T16:25:00.000-04:00

Well, I haven't yet heard a peep from Blogger since my recent fiasco, so I am going to move forward and pretend the whole ugly incident never happened. I'm still holding out hope that recovery may yet be a possibility, but we all know that in life sometimes we just have to move forward and let go of the past.

So bear with me as I slowly rebuild my blog and get back up and running. I've hired Rick here (pictured) to help me with the whole process...What? A hunky construction worker has nothing to do with blog building? Oh, you'd be surprised!

Thanks for all of your well wishes and references to my misplaced brain cells. This is actually not common behavior for me...really...no, I'm not kidding...okay, really...stop laughing!

Can You Say "Idiot?"

2008-03-14T10:06:00.000-04:00

Last night as I was playing around and creating a new blog, I accidentally DELETED my old blog. Yup, that's right. Gone. History. Kaput. It's a long story. I'm just waiting to see if anyone from Blogger can help me recover my old posts, format, etc. If anyone has any ideas about how to directly contact blogger, please let me know. They really don't list any contact information. Please bear with me as I try to solve this little (said sarchastically, but with a smile) problem. I think I'm still in shock...